Domestic violence: I Am now one of them?

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    to find A Berlin-based consulting Agency that helps offenders a way out of the violence. In the year 2018, the 300 men have been brought there for support.

    A young woman in the room of a woman’s house photo: Reuters

    BERLIN taz | July of this year, Daniel T. the offender. A role which he previously knew only from crime novels, he says. The 38-Year-old had got into the habit of Smoking pot after work. Regularly was a fight. As well as this Friday, when his Ex-partner, the marijuana found in the toilet threw.

    Daniel had a tantrum, the Situation escalated: He pushed his Ex-partner. So violently, that these banged his head against a marble table and injured himself. The police have been notified, there is a display. Since then, it is a question that plagues the young father again and again, as he admits: “I Am now one of those’?”

    Every third woman in Germany has experienced physical or sexual violence, often by their own Partner. The Berlin-based people’s solidarity has therefore created with “counselling for men – against violence”, a facility that is aimed at male perpetrators. For nearly 20 years, are not offered courses for men, the get away solely by the violence.

    A social worker and two psychologists*care for the offender. One of them is a project Manager and psychologist Gerhard Hafner: “the men can learn to act in certain situations quiet. You need to learn to take responsibility for their actions. At work, you don’t start to beat his colleagues. Why is this happening at home with the partner?

    the 300 men had reported already this year in the establishment – every third of them is participating in the program. A third of the offenders will be sent by the youth welfare offices to give advice. A third of the criminal justice system, and a third comes voluntarily to the facility, reported by Hafner.

    To the latter group, also Daniel. Three days after the fact, he picked up the phone to inform about the offer of individual interviews and group classes: “I knew it was all my fault. And no matter if this woman would ever speak to me again, I had to get some help. I was with her, the children and also myself guilty.“

    Every third woman in Germany has already place physical or sexual violence experienced

    Since July Daniel comes once a week for a single call to the advice. To deny “the fact is not. It is important to work up, how could it come to this,“ says the young man. Before he did I noticed that there is a perceived imbalance in the relationship, says Daniel. Reason for this is mainly that for him something of a difficult model of a patch work family, in addition to his Addiction. Both partners except for the joint child already has children from a previous relationship. “We are relatively quickly pulled together. It was great, but very messy,“ says Daniel.

    His family was always important to him. After the fact it was hard for him to talk with his parents, friends and the children about what happened: “you have not noticed relatively quickly, that we are together. Started I with have the conversation always ,We fought very hard,‘“ says Daniel, almost in a whisper. “Then I told exactly what happened.”

    The group courses consist of 25 sessions, each two hours and are held within half a year. The perpetrators communicate with each other, practice together, criticism and also learn to be each other be a positive role model. Together, critical situations can be played through, such as, for example, a family visit, the Situation escalated in the past due to disputes quickly. “It is a behavior training. The offender must learn to pay attention in such situations, targeted on yourself and your body. And to stay calm, even if you are stressed,“ explains Hafner.

    The individual meetings are similar. Before a man can make a course, he talks up to three pre-with one of the managers*Interior. “That’s where we look at why the offender is and how he is motivated to make a change.”

    The question of whether there is such a thing as a “stereotypical perpetrators of violence”, the negative Hafner: “The men who come to us are from many different countries, social strata and age groups.” Also, the events of the acts of violence are different. The only common denominator of the perpetrators of the sex is: “men are often violent, has to do with your understanding of your role. You can admit to weaknesses’. Often the actions related to separations. Or you’re afraid to be alone.“ The own Childhood, it is not decisive, says Hafner: “Some people have experienced as children, violence, even the perpetrators. Other develop exactly the opposite.“

    in addition to his propensity to violence, Daniel wants to overcome his drug problem. Also, he has contacted a professional establishment. Now he can talk with his Ex-partner, and together they attend a mediation course. “We want to get it, at least at the parent level,” says Daniel. Today, it is to him easier to speak about the fact: “There is now nothing to print on a T-Shirt. But you have to accept what’s happened.“ He sounds out of his plans, convinced, as he speaks these words.

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